Yes you read that right, Emily's garbage bag of clothing was stolen. Go figure. After we got home from our not so nice dinner, actually the food was wonderful, it was the conversation.. but it had to be done.. my husband got a text from Emily, that her clothes were stolen.
First, I said, well darn good thing she works at Goodwill, she can replace them easily enough. Then I thought, crap , I wouldn't even donate her clothes to Goodwill, I would, with rubber gloves take them to the tree lawn for the garbage man.
She was not responding to his texts back. I said to him, I hope this seals the deal with you, that she is spiraling down fast. I said who steals her clothes, unless she is using, and like last time, that's all these losers have to do to her, is destroy her clothes, she has nothing else. I said when she uses a lot, she makes a lot of enemies quickly. I said next call, she will be hysterical.. watch.
Yep, she called and was emotionally hysterical. It was this hysteria that got her in rehab last year at this time. Can you admit your life has become unmanageable? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? There is a pattern here.. how come I feel like I am the only one that gets that? There is that " I thought I married a smart man" saying.
So he got her to agree to meet him. She is not telling where is she staying. Now this gets weird, I said to my husband didn't you drop her off where she is staying when you moved her? He said, hummm no.. she walked away with a garbage bag of clothes, acting mad at me. I said oh gawd.. don't you get this? She doesn't want you to know. She is using again!
So today they are meeting at BW3. He is armed with 2 drug tests. Incase she says the first one is wrong, there is back up. 2 different kinds. Thank you Ebay!
The plan is: If the tests are positive and she refuses help. He walks away. No contact til she is ready for help. If the test are positive and she wants help. We will bring her here for a very short time, til we can find a program, rehab, sober living, military.. whatever.
If the tests are clean and she wants to continue living the way she is living.. fine, have a nice life. If it's clean and she wants help, she can come here for a short time, til she gets into a positive program, involving some kind of trade, education, etc
My plan today, instead of pacing the downstairs.. wearing out my carpeting.. I am going to take a long walk.. it's a little warmer here and the sun is out and I might just go to the woods and scream.. it felt good last night, so good I feel the need to do it again.
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Kelly,
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath. My experience as a parent of an addict is that if you feel it in your gut it probably is. if you feel it in your heart it probably is a wish. Always listen to your gut.
Don't try to identify when your girl is ready to change. That only leads to frustration and anger for you. We did the drug tests for a while hot and heavy and truthfully the only thing we got out of them was poorer for buying them. We knew.
She needs help but you know that you aren't the ones that can help her. If she is ready she has to go straight to help. Do not pass GO do not collect $200. ;-) Coming home even for a short time will not help you or her, you know that. I know that because we made that error over and over, always ended in a catastrophe.
If she wants help tell her to find a NA meeting or 2 or 3 or something and you help in finding a rehab. Keep this in mind, if she is ready this is not a negotiation. This is a take it or leave it offer of your help. You do your thing and she must do her's. If she is using now a CLE or military is not an option. The military is not a cure for addiction.
There are detox and rehabs that are open for patients someplace. They may not be close but that may be better. You are there for transportation. You are there for hugs. You are there for a hand up in recovery. Don't be the parent that loves their girl to death.