Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Friday, November 1, 2013

Been A Long Time! UPDATE

It's been so long since I update this blog.  Usually that means 1 of 2 things: relapse, isolation, in crisis or everything is going smoothly and life has become "normal".  I am happy to say, it's the latter.

Well, let me clarify, "normal" is a relative term.  Our normal is probably far from the real normal.  But, here is the scoop.

Em has been clean for over 24 months!  Have I breathed a sigh of relief?  Yes and No.  Being clean is wonderful.. I see the rewards daily!  Having said that, there are some traits that give me that big red flag waving in my face, or that gut feeling, something is off.  I am learning, being clean doesn't change all their personalities or personality traits.  I am reminded of teacher conferences when nobody knew if it was ADD or just her age.  There is little things, like printing her paper for school at home, with only 5 minutes to drive to school, get in her seat and hand in her paper.  It's forgetting appointments, that she doesn't want to to go to because she remembers the ones she does want to go to.  It's a situation where she planned, schemed, and eventually lied to our faces about her ex boyfriend.  It was calculated.  Red Flag.  Deep Gut Feeling, leaves me almost back at square one.  It's pushing that boundary or rule.  How do you discipline a 22 year old adult?  Well, here is how I did it.  You have until Nov 1 st to move out or ( and you can thank my bff and your old leader) you can be "on the move" for 3 months.  10 hours of cleaning, chores a week for 3 months.  After 3 months, the next 3 months, 5 hours of volunteer work per month and daily random acts of kindness for me, your dad or a total stranger.  Ohhh and if you don't like it, you can move out.  This requires me to keep track, to push, to remind, when she is sleeping til noon when she should be "cleaning".  But, this is my house and I need a drama free space and I choose my home.

We don't let much slide because she is "clean".  Yes, ( as I put it to her), we are happy you are managing your disease!  But, that is not a license to get away with everything.  You should also be productive and work towards your goals and becoming independent.

She is going to the community college.  Will probably make Deans List!  She does work and this week just took a job at local 30 day rehab as a clinical assistant, will start next week.  She does pay rent.  She goes meetings, some days 3 a day, some days none.  Average of 5 a week.  She leads meetings at the rehab she will be working at for the people in detox.  She got her license!  She sees her counselor an average of 2 times a month.  She has a great group of sober friends, who have been over many times and we know them, they actually look us in the eye and say please and thank you!

So right now, today, she is happy, progressing more than regressing and we are doing bonding that we never got when she was using.  Think of all of you often!