Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Friday, November 1, 2013

Been A Long Time! UPDATE

It's been so long since I update this blog.  Usually that means 1 of 2 things: relapse, isolation, in crisis or everything is going smoothly and life has become "normal".  I am happy to say, it's the latter.

Well, let me clarify, "normal" is a relative term.  Our normal is probably far from the real normal.  But, here is the scoop.

Em has been clean for over 24 months!  Have I breathed a sigh of relief?  Yes and No.  Being clean is wonderful.. I see the rewards daily!  Having said that, there are some traits that give me that big red flag waving in my face, or that gut feeling, something is off.  I am learning, being clean doesn't change all their personalities or personality traits.  I am reminded of teacher conferences when nobody knew if it was ADD or just her age.  There is little things, like printing her paper for school at home, with only 5 minutes to drive to school, get in her seat and hand in her paper.  It's forgetting appointments, that she doesn't want to to go to because she remembers the ones she does want to go to.  It's a situation where she planned, schemed, and eventually lied to our faces about her ex boyfriend.  It was calculated.  Red Flag.  Deep Gut Feeling, leaves me almost back at square one.  It's pushing that boundary or rule.  How do you discipline a 22 year old adult?  Well, here is how I did it.  You have until Nov 1 st to move out or ( and you can thank my bff and your old leader) you can be "on the move" for 3 months.  10 hours of cleaning, chores a week for 3 months.  After 3 months, the next 3 months, 5 hours of volunteer work per month and daily random acts of kindness for me, your dad or a total stranger.  Ohhh and if you don't like it, you can move out.  This requires me to keep track, to push, to remind, when she is sleeping til noon when she should be "cleaning".  But, this is my house and I need a drama free space and I choose my home.

We don't let much slide because she is "clean".  Yes, ( as I put it to her), we are happy you are managing your disease!  But, that is not a license to get away with everything.  You should also be productive and work towards your goals and becoming independent.

She is going to the community college.  Will probably make Deans List!  She does work and this week just took a job at local 30 day rehab as a clinical assistant, will start next week.  She does pay rent.  She goes meetings, some days 3 a day, some days none.  Average of 5 a week.  She leads meetings at the rehab she will be working at for the people in detox.  She got her license!  She sees her counselor an average of 2 times a month.  She has a great group of sober friends, who have been over many times and we know them, they actually look us in the eye and say please and thank you!

So right now, today, she is happy, progressing more than regressing and we are doing bonding that we never got when she was using.  Think of all of you often!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

New Year, New Changes

I am sorry I have been MIA.  It does not mean I have not thought of all you out there.  I know how hard the Holidays can be for families like ours.

I am not quite sure where to start??  My son , with our encouragement has decided to take a semester off.  Maybe more, who knows.  He needs to mature.  He did not do 16 home work assignments in his accounting class.  When I calmly asked why, he said it was hard and he didn't feel like it.  Well, sorry, we don't feel like paying for college for somebody that can't do the homework.  He is not "kicked" out of school, we made a financial decision.  Our plan is for him to go to Ecuador for a few months.  He is working with his dept. head to see if he can get college credit.  Leave my home as boy and come back a man.  Well that's my hope anyway.

Meanwhile, we spoke to Emily at xmas, she put in a home visit proposal.  And then promptly got put "on the move" for 14 days.  On the move means, what it says, you are on the move, working, cleaning, etc.  You get 1 to 2 hours a night/day of sleep.  All your privileges are taken away.  She got put on the move because she knew a girl kissed a boy and she didn't tell on her and as a SR person in the program that was wrong.  14 days wrong?  Not sure.  She got off the move and they had a group session.  She asked about her proposal for her home visit, which was for the weekend of Jan 17th ( last weekend).  The Director ripped up the proposal in a lot of pieces and threw it at her and said you are not seeing your family, your Mom will be the reason you stick a needle in your arm again.  Mind you, they had taken all our visits away.  We had not seen her since Sept.   Well she had a melt down, she had not slept, the Director said due to your melt down, 3 more days on the move.

That was the icing on the cake.  She called me, she had worked 97 hours in 6 days.  There was no food in the house.  She basically had gotten all she could out of the program and her needs were more to get some individual time out in society.  Move on, get education, get to meetings, etc.

She was the "golden" girl.  She moved up quickly , was doing well in her program.  She went to Oregon for a class.  And then, the State came and pulled their participants out.  Next, Cherokee Nations came and took their people out.  I did some investigating, the Director had her license pulled from the state of NC.  She engaged in an inappropriate relationship, used participants food stamps for personal use.  The list goes on and on.

So my son and I made a nerve wracking trip down and got her.  It was solid rain and sleet on the way down and back.  We took our time and got hotels so it much longer than normal.  We got her in mid Jan.  I will write more about her visit soon.  I could not get into this site for awhile and not sure why, but seems I am here today!  So I will continue the "story" soon!  But Emily has been clean 17 months!  Warms my heart.