Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Card

The one card meant a lot to me.  It was hand made with a heart and 2 hands holding it.  It said:

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY KEL_BELL!  I love you very much!  I just want you to know how blessed I am to have a Mother like you.  You have always showed me unconditional love despite all the hell I put you through, and your support throughout my recovery is what gets me through.  Mom, I am sorry for all the years I wasted blinded by addiction, but, I am hopeful for the years to come finally be able to be the daughter you deserve.  I cherish our relationship deeply and I look up to / respect you for what a huge heart you have.  Mom, words do not express what a wonderful mother you are and how grateful I am.  Thank you for all you do, I know it has not been easy.  Love you, hearts Emily.

I have a hard time with this.. for several reasons.. it makes me sad what addiction does to families.  It makes me sad to think of all the Mother's Days and holidays that have been ruined by addiction.  I feel heartbroken for all the Mom's out there whose kids are not in recovery and are still going through what I went through for  many years.  I wish I could do something more to help them.  

Part 2

So we got Emily and Renee on Sunday at 9 am. Mothers Day.  Renee is also a mother of a 3 year old.  So I know she was feeling alittle sad.  They took me to their room and we blessed the room and spiritually cleansed the room.. they asked me to do this.. so I did.  Then we went to another wonderful breakfast place.  Unfortunately it was still raining.  But we did head to Chimney Rock and Lake Lure to look around.  We had fun shopping a bit, getting ice cream, laughing, hiked a bit on the trails.etc.  Then we just decided to go back to the house and hang out.  I made some appetizers and munchies and I had brought some speg.  One of Em's favorite dinners.  So I cooked that up.  Meanwhile she gave me several cards.. didn't quit hugging me.. telling me she is so sorry, she loves me.  She gave me an Irish Necklace with a card that told what it was and it was so appropriate.

Emily got to talk to my Mom after brunch.  It's been years since she has spoken to her and that was special.
But the best part was, my son called me and I said, I am with Emily, would you like to speak to her?  He said yes right away.  I wasn't expecting that.  They were talking and I left the room to give them privacy and I heard the belly laughs again.. what a wonderful sound!  After she hung up she said she had been waiting for that and was nervous at first.

So we all sat down for dinner and soon enough, we had to take her back.. but I felt so good seeing her, hugging her, being with her.. I couldn't stay too long or I would have cried my eyes out.

The next day the head woman texted me saying she actually cried several times.. when we first came and were hugging, she cried after we left.  When Emily came home and said she got to talk to her grandma and brother, she cried.. She said this why I do what I do.. Emily has a hard background and lots of growing and relearning to do, but this makes it all worth while.  So I felt good leaving her there, she is in good hands and gaining her independence drug free.

A Very Happy Mothers Day- a few weeks late!

I have been MIA for awhile for several reasons, I have been busy and I was getting an error message when I logged on and didn't have time to deal with it.. but Thanks to Tori, I am up and running!  Not that I wanted to download Google Chrome, but, they gave me no choice.. oh how I hate not having a choice!  Anyway..

I had a wonderful Mother's Day Weekend!  We went to see Emily for a weekend visit.  Backing up a bit, it was Mother's Weekend at my son college May 4th weekend, then we went to see Emily May 12th weekend and got home late Monday and I left for the Dominican on the 16th, Wed.  I was feeling very overwhelmed.  Like it was too much and too much money all at one time.  I tried so hard to be present for each and everything without stressing about the next one.  I think I did ok in that area.

Ok, our visit:  We rented a house in the mountains vs a hotel.  I have travelled this way before, but my husband has not.  So he was leery, but it worked out well and is much cheaper than a cold hotel.  So he is now sold on the idea.  We got there around 3 pm on Friday and scouted around a bit, had dinner, went to the grocery store, etc.  We picked Emily up at noon on Saturday.  She had to bring a senior girl with her on the visitation.  I really enjoyed her friend, Renee as well.  When we pulled up, Emily came running out.. we hugged and cried for a long time.  She took me in the house to meet some of the other girls.  It's a beautiful house, older brick Victorian  style, which put my mind at ease.. I had different visions.  I told them I had donations in my car and might need some help.  The woman in charge yelled SUPPORT and the girls came running and emptied my car!  I am like I need to try this at home!

We walked around the cute town.  The girls had not really explored, no time, so they enjoyed that.  We had a wonderful fresh lunch.  The girls knew one of the waitresses, guess she completed the program already.  She gave us yummy desserts!  Then we took Emily to get her hair cut.  The woman that cut her hair is "in the program" and did a great a job on her hair, cutting to her natural wave.  Then we went to the bigger town, shopping at Target.  Got Emily some clothes, a CD player, and hygiene supplies.  Then we took everything back to the house we rented and I had some stuff for her that I brought.  We went thru that and it started raining.. but the girls loved the house and felt so comfy.  Renee said she was gonna have her Mom rent a house next time she comes.

Then we went to dinner, Mexican.  It was all fresh!  And just wonderful.  The food there is all good, fresh, some organic, local.. they are very progressive in that way and very reasonable.  After dinner we just came back to the house to hang out, watched a movie, girls laid around, we laughed and stuff.  Emily sang and played the guitar to the song she wrote for us.  We had to have them back at 11 pm, only to pick them up again on Sunday at 9 am.  Even the girls were like, it's kinda stupid we have to go back just to sleep, when there is so much room here for us to stay.. but oh well, it's the rules.

Continued on next blog