Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Ask and You Shall Receive

Thank You Everyone for your thoughts and prayers!

It's been a whirl wind of emotions , stress and worry, phone calls , etc.

Saturday about 3pm Emily texted she was waiting for a ride to detox/rehab. I texted back, OMG, I am so proud of you.

But then, I thought, knowing her, there is more to this picture. And there was, it was Joey's mom who was taking them. I reminded myself, she is an adult, her choices.

We jumped into action and called our "behind the scene" people. So they were ready and waiting for her. We told her what she needed to say to get in. Let's say we told her over 100 times. She said she did not understand. Two things, you are going to die if you keep going like this and you tried to OD and feel depressed and suicidal. Unfortunately, that is how you get in these places.
Talking to her, was, like nothing I have ever exprienced before. I just thought to myself, it is gonna take so much work to get even half of her back.

Well, she did not get in the detox/rehab. She did not do what we told her. Our "behind the scenes" people told us, 1. they do not admit couples. 2. Joeys' mom was doing the talking and Emily did not show them she wanted this.

There was 1 more place, it is more of a mental health place, but they do substance abuse assessments. Again, we told what to say and to distance herself from Joey and her Mom, or you won't get in. She kept saying, he is a lost soul too and needs help. His mom is so nice to drive us. We kept saying , you are in fight for YOUR life. So our behind the scenes people said if she get away from them, do as they said, they would admit her.

We also knew they would not admit Joey. First, he probably didn't really want it. 2nd, you don't go to AA/NA meetings in this town with a smirk on your face and steal from purses and coat pockets... and expect help.

At 1 am, we got a call, she was admitted. They gave her a meal, a shower, and some clothes. She was sleeping. She signed the consent papers so we could talk with her case worker.

Sunday about 6pm I called. I talked to her case worker. It was not good... Well, it's not her fault, but to hear the words, are hard to process. She said Emily has been in the underground drug culture for quite awhile. Black Tar Heroin Kills. She would not have made it more than 3 more days at the rate she was going. I asked about abcesses. They did not notice any.
The phone had freed up while we talking and she transferred me to Emily.

I don't even know what to say about our conversation. I am still a bit in shock. I thought it would take a lot of work to get half of her back on Saturday, but Sunday, I thought she is gone forever. I have never in my wildest dreams think, she would be so very unreachable. She said, this place sucks. I am sicker than a dog. They won't give me meds. I sit in my room hours on end alone. She said, I think I am gonna leave. I either need suboxen now, or I will just go out and OD and die, this isn't worth it.
None of this was said in her voice, or her voice as I remember it.

I hung up shaken.. very shaken. So my husband called the case worker and told her of my conversation. She said, Emily has been living in an extremely high risk environment. She is lucky to be with us at all. But, she would pink slip her and keep her against her will. They do not give out meds there. And we will see what Monday brings.

I said to my husband, I have a bad feeling this time. Usually if she has chosen to accept help, I breath again. Not this time. My husband said the same thing.. which he never does, so that scared me too. So we talked.. we brought ourselves to the conclusion we will probably lose her. We went over everything we did, we tried to console each other. We made ourselves agree we did all we could. We were not to blame. We will be the people in the grocery store, that everyone looks at and doesn't know what to say. We planned who we would go to for help. What sleeping pills we were willing to take to get thru it. We thought of everything we could to be prepared.

Monday morning. Her caseworker called and said she had just faxed Emily's paperwork to the detox/rehab. This takes hours and don't expect to hear anything for 6 to 8 hours. If she is turned down, there are 2 other places they can try. But, you can only try one at time. AND, then Emily has to agree.. and there are guarentees she will agree to go, given her current state.

All I can say, it takes a village. We got that village. And thanks to our behind the scenes people, who , I am sure worked tirelessly, within 20 minutes of the fax, Emily was accept and she agreed to go. Within 30 minutes, she would be transported.

We called today, she was in group, then had AA/NA meetings and homework. Health wise they felt she was ok, but they were waiting on blood work to come back. She can talk to us with her counselor only and if they had time they would call tonight. So far they have not. The detox is 14 days. She is on suboxen and will be tapered, per usual. However the last time she tapered off that, she went to hospital via ambulance, due to the extreme withdrawls. After that they may recommend rehab for 30, 60, or 90 days. But, we are still going present the 2 year , long term place as our only support. I am not going thru this again in 6 months, weather she does or not.

We made a plan for that call, because we know she will be asking for things. We have decided we will give her some clothes, that are in the garage. Shampoo, if she needs it, soap. But no money for the pop machine or pizza and no cigarettes... absolutely nothing else.

Thank you Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. It works! I am deeply grateful and appreciate it so much.
Hugs, Kelly


  1. I'm still praying... for your daughter, and also for you and your husband. Blessings to you and continued strength and peace of heart. (Hug!)

  2. I am just sorry for you. I don't even know what else to write.

  3. I'm thinking about you and wonder how you're doing. Please keep in touch. Am keeping you in my prayers.

  4. I came over hoping for an update. How is Emily and you? Is she still in Detox? Please let us know.

  5. Still praying.... hope you have had some healing rest and that Emily is "willing"... Blessings!