That's a loaded title, because I feel the "system" is wrong in many way when dealing with addiction.. brick walls everywhere and real help is missing and after care is nonexistent.
But this is not about the addiction system per se, it's about the school system and drinking, drugs.
As you know, my son was charged with having beer in his car. He blew clean. He made a mistake. Alittle background. 2 years ago in October we went to Family Day at Emily's therapy school. We found out she was emailing her old boyfriend. We were upset, all over the board. But, we were watching our friends son, while they were up in Michigan for the Mich State / OSU game. The boys said they were at a fellow swimmers house for a movie and bond fire. This was the norm for the Sophomores.
At about 11pm, my son came flying thru the garage door. I asked where his friend was. Andy said.. there is a problem, a big problem. He had drank 14 shots of vodka... wasn't breathing and was being dropped off at the Hosp. I can't tell you what that feels like.. shock, every one of my body systems went into overdrive at once. I had to make a phone to his parents, up in MI. A phone call that no parent wants to make. I was shaking.
The vodka turned out to be Everclear. I thought that was a music band. I looked it up. It's like grain alcohol and is not sold in our state, but you can buy it on the net and have it delivered to your doorstep.
They put T ( my son's friend) into a coma. They had no answers as to if he would make it and if he did make it, would there be brain damage? I had Andy tested and he tested clean. That's all I needed was 2 boys laying there. There were machines, tubes, and lifeless body laying there. I had Andy stay in the hosp room with me. I remember it was a nice new Hosp, a pull out couch, that had never been used. I remember being very cold. I couldn't warm up. I remember T coding out and having like a seizure and the nurses shouting words and putting the paddles on him. I remember praying and praying. I remember watching the clock, 2:05 am, 2:09 am, all the way to 5:38 am when T's parents arrived from MI.
I remember T's Dad telling me he was going to the swim coach. I didn't remember he was going to name my son. But he did. So we sat thru 8 weeks of Drug/Alcohol classes as parents and high school students. I remember thinking.. I could teach this class. They are not asking the right questions, they don't have a clue, etc.
I remember them telling us, if my son is named in anything else, a party, a situation, he will loose 20 to 60% of his sport. I remember telling them, then you set him/us up to do the wrong thing and tell him to run. He can't be named. Your system is not set up to help the ones that do the right thing. What about the cheerleader who broke T's entrance hall closet and threw up on the bathroom rug? Nothing happened to her, she wasn't in any trouble or situation. But my son was and he blew clean.
So now I find us in the same situation. My son blew clean. But, he will loose 20 to 60% of his sport, probably his title of Captain. Guess what? T was there too, but he is not in trouble. In fact none of the other boys are in trouble.... because they ran. Because their parents told them to run and they would take care of it.
I will be honest here, I told my son to run to the next neighborhood and I would pick him up. My husband said NO, he said, get here and talk to the police. Do the right thing. Andy did that. The police were impressed with him. He is polite, articulate, on the ball, etc. But that didn't get him anywhere fast. He is taking the fall for all of the boys.
So tomorrow we meet with the school. To decide his fate. I am going to go on record again and tell them, their system is failure and is set up to teach the kids and parents to do the wrong thing. This is an example of how doing the right thing, only hurt my son in the long run.
I will add, that I do not agree with my son's choice. We took care of it and are still taking care of it in house. He made a poor choice. I will also add, that my husband now wishes he had told my son to keep running.