Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Saturday, September 18, 2010


I am not sure if I mentioned, but my husband goes to AA. Has for over a year. I don't know if it was incident, or a way to relate to our daughter, or feeling a need to belong somewhere. I can tell you, when he told Andy and I at dinner one night, our initial response was of laughter.. we quickly stifled those and went into our own thoughts about it. Andy and I have talked about it together, we share many of the same thoughts on it. How have I been married for 20 years and not know? How did Andy have a great father for 16 years and not have a clue? That's the biggest.
I believe AA has fueled my husbands ego vs knocked it down a few pegs. Because now, not only does he have his Phd intelligence to argue with, but his HP, so he never has to see another side of things. I have not gotten involved in his Recovery. I have not asked anything. I have enough on my plate, and this is his thing, not mine.

We went to dinner with our friends, their son is Justin, one of Emily's old best friends. Justin did wilderness, 18 month rehab in AZ. He left a week after we sent Emily to therapy school in 08. Justin happens to share the anniversary date with my husband. Justin 2 years , my husband 1 year.. The reason I just gave this background information is because they KNOW. We are each others support... and have been. Anyway, my husband met us from work. He said down visibly upset. He knew the feedback he would get from us, but he told us the situation of his AA meeting.

He is chairing his home meetings every Friday in September. He chaired the meeting that morning and only 1 person was getting a coin. A young girl 30 days free of Heroin. So there is something the chairperson has to say at the end which has the word the alcohol in it and my husband added drugs. He said alcohol and drugs. ( thinking of the young girl who just got her coin for being 30 days free of drugs) I guess this is a big No No.

His sponsor came charging at him, he still saw this visual several days later. His sponsor said "stick to the script!" "you let your ego get in the way". My husband is stammering around, saying I was including all these others that used drugs.. His sponsor said "they are guests here". Besides his sponsor... many others bombarded him about using the word "drugs" in their AA meeting. Their comments were along the lines of his sponsors. "Guests" at our AA meeting. Even though those "guests" consider that meeting their home group. Needless to say, my husband was visibly upset.

Funny thing is, he had no clue. I could have told him what was going to happen with my research and being active on the ODR board. They always seem to debate that there. In fact, I have heard of some AA talks that people have given and they will flat out tell me, when I say alcohol, I really mean heroin... but it's an AA meeting. I personally feel it goes against everything this organization is suppose to be about. You are only as well as your secrets...right? But we won't get into my feelings on this.

Next day, my husbands sponsor texts him. My husband told him it was the first time he ever left a meeting feeling worst than when he went in. His sponsors reply was, too bad, it was a good meeting.

This is one lesson, I don't have to learn. I can watch from the sidelines. I don't have to be politically correct. I don't have say each town is different, small towns vs larger cities. I don't have to justify the differences in his choice of organization for Recovery. But it is interesting.

My husband did not go back all week until Friday.. he will finish his obligations or commitment and think about it all until then.


1 comment:

  1. Interesting...sounds like this group needs to work on being more "inclusive" rather than "exclusive"...just my personal opinion. I've sat in many NA rooms as the parent of an addict and the use of the word alcohol in exchange or in addition to the word drugs was never an issue. Although, just from my personal experience with the particular NA groups I've spent time around, I think there is more recovery going on in AA than NA, speaking only of a few particular NA groups, not necessarily as a whole.