Warning this is Raw as it's happening Now

All this is happening right now. All I can say, is Thank God for the Salvation Army! I will be putting more money in the red buckets at Christmas time.

Emily got kicked out today. We all knew it was coming. I don't even remember where I left off on my last blog.

Anyway they had a meeting on Monday about her. Only 1 of the house mother's voted to make Emily leave. I will refer to this woman by her name, because I don't care, Gloria. Gloria has caused us to walk on eggshells since I met her. Gloria was put in a position of power that Gloria shouldn't have. But, we all knew this. My thoughts are she is very angry and unhappy and karma is a *itch. I also believe people like Gloria are put in our lives to learn something. Gloria does not like Emily , or us for that matter.

So after the meeting because only Gloria voted to kicked Emily, Emily could stay. BUT, she was on restriction, meaning back to square 1. She couldn't go to meetings, call her sponsor, us, etc. And can't get a check mark or she would be out. I knew this wouldn't last too long. I knew it was a matter of time.

This morning Gloria said one of the girls in the house could take Emily to a meeting. Aarica, whose in the highest phase. Emily had to stay with Aarica, it's the rules. So in this way, I feel Gloria set Emily up.. Emily should have smelled a rat. The girls went to the meeting. Aarica stopped at Drug Mart and got a pop and cigs. Emily got kicked out, she was not allowed to go to the store. Yet she had to stay with Aarica.

My husband went up to get her. Here is another inconsistency. When a girl is kicked out. They drive them to the Salvation Army. Gloria would not drive Emily.

So my husband called me several times on the way up there. He wanted to bring her home. Stating she could get her job back at Starbucks, her licence, save money, etc.

I had to be strong. I felt this is the time I have to be strong. Little did I know, I would have to find even more strength during the course of this morning... I said no she can't come home. Physically, I can't take it. I am just on mend and I can't get sick again. He said to me, your sickness was a thyroid, that is taken care of now. I said, it was brought on by stress. My Dr. didn't have to throw my into hypo thyroid, he could get back to normal because it was stress.

Then he said, ok, I will bring her back for a short time, until we can find another place.

I said: There are 3 of us living here, Andy has a vote too. You better call him. My vote is no, she can't come home. He hung up on me.

Calls back and says, ok, I will tell her, because of her Mom, she can't come home.

See, the addiction and her crisis es divide us.

He got there and all the girls were in an uproar. How unfair this was, etc. They are gonna do something about it. They will help Emily. So and so can get her job, so and so will have her over to her parents for dinner, etc.

Emily got in the car and said, going home is not an option. There are too many triggers, too much for her. She calmly said she wanted to go to the Salvation Army. They found it and my husband got out of the car to go in with her and she said No, this is something I have to do.

There is a bed for her. She can't go until 4:30pm. They are to be out of the center during the day to find work. She called me and said, it's not most glamours place she's been, but it will due.

I am crying.. sobbing.. still am for that matter. How does a Mother put her daughter in the Salvation Army shelter? I needed strength to make it happen and now I need strength to follow it thru.

When a person is almost 7 months sober, is living at the Salvation Army a reward? Is the right thing to do? Will it cause her to go back to her old ways? Am I doing the wrong thing? Will something horrible happen to her? Can I live with the guilt? It seemed much easier to "throw" her out when she was using. That was a no brainer to me.. but this.. this is just plain sad... numbing.. We have always been able to pull an option or a string in the past, those are all used up and this is where we / she is. Do I have the strength to do this? I can't answer that.

She is very calm. She said she was going to her home meeting tonight and gonna tell her story. She feels she has a lot of sober support there. Someone may help her out with a place to live or a job. She is taking this much better than I am.

I started sobbing when I talked to her. She asked why? Why?? I HATE addiction.. it's sending my baby to a Salvation Army. She said Mom, I can't do this now... I have to hold it together, I will talk to you later.

She has no money, no phone.. God only knows... Just keep my baby safe and sober please...

Hugs

Kelly