Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Always that shade of GRAY

I don't know if it's just my children or all teens... but it seems as if nothing is black and white when it comes to their side of the story. I was certain they had learned in school and at home, that sticking to the facts helps get the crisis cleared up quicker. Instead, I become Detective Kelly, digging up the facts. Because nothing is black and white with either of them.

Emily is still at "SALS" - Salvation Army Shelter. The latest was that, all the girls have turned their back on her. That the politics of the Beacon House, are making sure everyone stays away from her. That she can't sleep there, the beds are loud when someone rolls, there is light, she had to spend some the 40.00 we gave her on an eye mask to block the light. She is so stressed out she can't eat. She is lonely and depressed. But she is sober. What's a Mother to do when she gets a phone call like that?? Go into action... that's what.

I start looking up sober living homes around the State. What's to keep her in Wooster, when the support I thought she had is gone. I am scrambling to get plan B or C. But remember I am tired, I need a break. So I make a plan.. call my husband to meet for dinner at PF Changs.. if we go there.. I know he will go for any plan I have! My plan was.. I am too tired to figure all this out, so she should come home. Just 1 or 2 weeks, then we can look online together, make calls, wash clothes, etc..

But in the back of my head.. there is tick tick tick.. shades of gray.. the sky even got gray.. So I picked up the phone and called one of the girls. We'll call her Linda.. Linda coined out.. got her own apartment. And Emily was suppose to get other 1/3 of the house. That didn't happen. Emily went Monday, after my husband had talked to the owners on Saturday.. and the place was Emily's and they would help her.. But when Emily went to confirm, they said NO WAY.. and their warm friendliness turned to stone. My husband made a call to the head of Beacon. He said.. what's up... this girl is trying, living at Sals, sober.. and for some reason every avenue she tries to take is being shut down.. and your organization seems to be the reason. What's up with your confidentiality?? The man calls back.. he said.. yes, Linda and another girls told the owners there were problems with Emily... I will however call a meeting about confidentiality.. that is not fair to her.

Another reason for one of the ticks in my head, was, on Sunday we called Emily on Sunday night.. we always try to contact her at 9:30 to 10:00 pm to make sure she is ok and her way to Sals or at Sals and she survived the day on the street. Sunday, she happened to be in a hurry, saying she was late.. because her new sponsor, B took her to a meeting in another city, because Emily felt uncomfortable with the girls at their meeting. I looked up the other city and the meetings.. and there weren't any.. But maybe I got it wrong?? Tick Tick Tick..

Oh yeah.. back to calling Linda.. I said to Linda.. I am really worried about Emily. I want to help, come up with some options for Emily... Linda told me the following: Emily has been missing meetings because of "that boy". Pete. Pete is homeless, living in the park. Pete is not allowed in any shelters in the city. She said, I could not risk having Emily live in the same building/house as me, as I am trying to get my kids back and I can't have all these youngens drinking. The girls from the house are not associating with Emily due to her choices. She said in fact, B has asked me to co sponsor Emily and we are having a "Pete Intervention" with Emily tonight after the meeting.
She also told me, Emily has the support.. me, B, many others.. she has to call each of us every day, has homework from us, she has rides for interviews and meetings.. she is welcome to eat, stay at either of our places.. and she went home with me last Sunday to my parents house.
I said ok, with Emily, there is always another side.. the gray.. thank you for telling me, makes my decisions easier. I said, my 2 things are safety and health, that includes being sober.
Linda said, she has all that and SALS is the best place for her right now.. because she has rules, curfew and chores and is being fed, she can live there and save money. She said I would hate to think of Emily having an apt right now, she is not ready.

That was Tuesday.

Wed. my husband had planned to go up and meet Emily and find another apt for her. We met for dinner at PF Changs and I relaid my conversation to him. I said now what do we do? He said, well I am still going, and I plan to have a talk with her. I said well, since I know Linda, and I know the program she has worked.. I am want to follow her lead.

My husband went up there. They looked at many apts. They narrowed it down to 2. They told each one they would make a decision and have the money by Friday.

So not only do my teens have shades of gray, I guess my husband does too.

Since she does not have a job or address or bank account. It becomes black and white as to how her new apt will be paid for.

I was then told Pete has been "cheating" on Emily with another girl and has moved in with that other girl. I didn't say what I think: which was .. wonder how long that will last?

Because apparently things to me are black and white and it's a sunny day today... not a cloud in the sky.



  1. This is really difficult to live through, isn't it. I have been through this same type of scenerio for so long that everytime I read a parent's blog I think they are talking about "my" child. My child has been in and out of the Salvation Army's ARC program several times. He would relaspe and then they would let him back in. It's a very good program, I believe.

    Prayer s for you and your daughter. Never give up!

  2. Thank You VJ. It's a comfort just to know I am not alone. How is your son? Hugs, Kelly