Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Sunday, August 8, 2010

This is about the "Other" one

Great looking group of boys... childhood friends.. memories.. growing up...
Each year my son, Andy and his friends get together and have draft teams for Fantasy Football. They have a web page. They have a commissioner.. whose house the the draft is held at. They wear suits, ties, like owners do. Except my son, who adopted my habit and likes to hit the Goodwill for fun and funky things. This year was kinda special, as they will be seniors and this little tradition might go by the waste side as they enter adulthood, college, work, etc. Although I am told, that's why the website was made. As they make their in the world, they can always come back to their roots thru football. My guess is more money will be placed for betting.
I have not addressed some of my stress with my son on this blog. Instead, I put on my sunglasses at the grocery store.. I say "No" to invites to have dinner with his friend's Mothers.. I pace the house.. not only for Emily, but Andy as well.
Last night, I laid in bed... thinking back.. ( not always a good thing to do).. I had two perfect beautiful babies. 1 girl and 1 boy.. how lucky is that? We had a cute little bungalow.. even a metal old school swing set in the yard.. came with the house.
I was happy, grateful.. who would have thought?? I was the last person anyone thought would have kids.. and maybe I should have listened??
My older more experienced neighbors were full of advice for me at the backyard BBQ's. Little kids, little problems. Oh those teen years...
Instead of looking at my children with love I didn't know I even had.. maybe I should have listened to the older wiser neighbors.. opened my ears.. I don't know.. as I said.. looking back or reflecting isn't always a good thing to do.
My son was charged with possession of beer in his car last night.
He and his friends ran from the police. He wasn't answering the phone I pay for.
The police ran the plates and called my husband..
Oppss.. I was at the Irish Fest with my best friend.. Kelly 2. I had stayed in the house all week, pacing, crying over Emily.. my friend said it was time for me to go out for a day. I agreed it would do me good.. fresh air, bands, food, drink... yes, that should be just what the Dr ordered. But, maybe I should have stayed home, been on top of my son. eeekk there I go again, looking back.. reflecting.
He passed the breathalyzer test. He showed them where he dumped out his beer. They picked his car to drink in because it was the biggest most comfortable, best speakers. Here I thought we bought an old used Infinity so he wouldn't be hurt if he was in an accident. Hindsight is 20/20.
There were 2 other cars parked there... the police were trying locate those parents and the boys that ran. They are not being charged.. that I know of. Although, Andy believes if they tested them, he story would pan out, he was clean, they were not.
He stands to loose 60% of his sport.. swimming.. he is the captain, has been for 2 years.. a swim scholarship and much more.. our trust... the trust of his friend's parents... his character.
Back in the day... the police brought me home to my parents, drunk.. slap on the wrist. Things are different now.. the stakes are higher, but the invincibility of how you feel when you are teen is the same.
I have always believed we learn from our mistakes and those teen years are your learning years.. but no one told how it really was.. or I just wasn't listening. I want my son to learn, to fail in areas to learn and grow... but man is it painful to watch.
As I closed my eyes last night and tried to sleep... I remembered God only gives us what we can handle.. I been handling a lot lately, I asked for a break.
My daughter is living in the Salvation Army shelter
My son is charged with possession
My sister in law is dying of cancer
I am on email exchange only with my Mom
I am still on medical leave from work
Last night, I drove Andy home. He said.. say something.. do something.. I just shook my head.. He said ok then... no car for a month, no Cedar Point next week, see the counselor once a week, don't hang out with xxxxx.
I thought I would wake up today.. have a plan.. have a contract.. jump in with both feet, be pro active.. but I woke up still numb and void. I hope this is enough for now.. just for today.


  1. Oh no. When does he find out about swimming??? Don't you wish there was a button or something in their heads that we could push and *poof* they'd only make wise choices???

  2. Sigh....... I feel so bad for you, yes I understand the numb feeling, but you will get your second wind, we always do. I would think that this being your son's first offense that the charge would either be dropped or would go down to a violation. I agree it is much different now than when we were growing up. I'll be praying for you today that God would renew your strength. Being in the place of burn out and emotional exhaustion is really really hard. Asking for God's grace on your son that he will not lose his position as swim captain or his scholarship. Take care.