I don't know why, but sometimes the stories of addiction in families comes in floods for me.
I have, what I consider a good friend, whom I have not met in person, but on the ODR board. I have written about her in my Love blog. To state the facts. 1. She is raising her 2 grandsons. 2. Her son in law just graduated a 2 year program in a year. Can you say snake? 3. He is moving in with them this week. Let's just say this is not ideal for her, but her husband is behind it. 4. Her daughter walked down the mountain from the program Emily is in now. Her daughter has no teeth. Her daughter is depressed. Her daughter is in an extremely religious program now, as the court said she needs to complete a 2 year program. She is on a 10 day home pass. 5. The religious program has adopted 10 non-fixed dogs and asked for volunteers to take care of them over the break. Her husband volunteered to take 1. Nobody is walking the dog and it's making messes in house and she is finding she has to keep her own dog in a cage , away from the shelter dog. 6. Her husband is leaving today until the 4th to see his kids and grand kids in FL, leaving my friend with 2 adult semi - recovering addicts, 2 grand kids, and 2 dogs.
I am in touch with a father of a girl that actually hung out with and semi lived with Emily when she was in KY. Facts:
1. The dad and mom are raising 2 of the girls kids from 2 different fathers. 2. The girl had a 3 rd baby last night from yet a 3rd father. Here is what he sent me:
Her mother couldn't go for the same reasons. It's incredibly difficult to see her like that. She looks about 20 years older then she is, all skin and bones, teeth rotted. Kinda reminds me of the WW2 concentration camp victims. Still talking nonsense, like she can't see reality like everyone else does. It's heartbreaking
The Police called us this week. Facts are. 1. We will not get our money back from the check. 2. Ben and his parents lied to the police and told them Emily came to their house with that check, said I had written it out for "rent" for them. Since Ben and his parents lied and they can not reach Emily , case closed. Real facts: The check was stolen, written out by Emily , cashed by Ben and several hours later Emily over dosed.. check the date Mr and Mrs Ben's Parents. So sad, parents stoop to that level and engage in the addict deceit.
We got a 5 minute call from Emily on Christmas. She was shaky. Tired not to cry. I think they are told not to cry and they are told not to ruin the family's holiday. She loved her 2 gifts, in fact was wearing them already. She got tons and tons of gifts from the facility. Not sure why or how.. except to think they are donations and they have to get them off their "books" or "shelves". She said it's hard, very hard. I just told her she is doing great and to keep going and we will see her sometime around Easter. That we were proud of her and know it's hard, but the reward will be huge. She said she is in a talent show and that was something to look forward to. And she loved us all very much.
Everyone with this disease has a story. Some more tragic than others, but all have to work thru the process the best they can with the help and support they can get. For now, our story is on an even keel, who knows about tomorrow? Breath, just breath I keep reminding myself.
I have, what I consider a good friend, whom I have not met in person, but on the ODR board. I have written about her in my Love blog. To state the facts. 1. She is raising her 2 grandsons. 2. Her son in law just graduated a 2 year program in a year. Can you say snake? 3. He is moving in with them this week. Let's just say this is not ideal for her, but her husband is behind it. 4. Her daughter walked down the mountain from the program Emily is in now. Her daughter has no teeth. Her daughter is depressed. Her daughter is in an extremely religious program now, as the court said she needs to complete a 2 year program. She is on a 10 day home pass. 5. The religious program has adopted 10 non-fixed dogs and asked for volunteers to take care of them over the break. Her husband volunteered to take 1. Nobody is walking the dog and it's making messes in house and she is finding she has to keep her own dog in a cage , away from the shelter dog. 6. Her husband is leaving today until the 4th to see his kids and grand kids in FL, leaving my friend with 2 adult semi - recovering addicts, 2 grand kids, and 2 dogs.
I am in touch with a father of a girl that actually hung out with and semi lived with Emily when she was in KY. Facts:
1. The dad and mom are raising 2 of the girls kids from 2 different fathers. 2. The girl had a 3 rd baby last night from yet a 3rd father. Here is what he sent me:
Her mother couldn't go for the same reasons. It's incredibly difficult to see her like that. She looks about 20 years older then she is, all skin and bones, teeth rotted. Kinda reminds me of the WW2 concentration camp victims. Still talking nonsense, like she can't see reality like everyone else does. It's heartbreaking
The Police called us this week. Facts are. 1. We will not get our money back from the check. 2. Ben and his parents lied to the police and told them Emily came to their house with that check, said I had written it out for "rent" for them. Since Ben and his parents lied and they can not reach Emily , case closed. Real facts: The check was stolen, written out by Emily , cashed by Ben and several hours later Emily over dosed.. check the date Mr and Mrs Ben's Parents. So sad, parents stoop to that level and engage in the addict deceit.
We got a 5 minute call from Emily on Christmas. She was shaky. Tired not to cry. I think they are told not to cry and they are told not to ruin the family's holiday. She loved her 2 gifts, in fact was wearing them already. She got tons and tons of gifts from the facility. Not sure why or how.. except to think they are donations and they have to get them off their "books" or "shelves". She said it's hard, very hard. I just told her she is doing great and to keep going and we will see her sometime around Easter. That we were proud of her and know it's hard, but the reward will be huge. She said she is in a talent show and that was something to look forward to. And she loved us all very much.
Everyone with this disease has a story. Some more tragic than others, but all have to work thru the process the best they can with the help and support they can get. For now, our story is on an even keel, who knows about tomorrow? Breath, just breath I keep reminding myself.
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When I sit at rehab waiting for B and talk to these kids it amazes me how bad they were. I don't know why B was lucky enough not to graduate to needles although I have met a few who didn't as well in there, or why B never really ended up walking the streets well yea my Mom had him.
ReplyDeleteOkay none of this is making sense but in my mind I see how bad these kids got and the things they did and B was one of the lucky few who continued to try to get sober and most importantly went to jail and got this program. Bottom line is, had he not been given this opportunity, he would be using needles and be homeless. My mom kicked him out 3 weeks prior to him going to jail and 2 of those weeks he spent on the Rez with his dad detoxifying. Came back and just a few days prior to court relapsed.
I am not saying this program works for everyone, clearly it doesn't and who knows if it will work for B but it is far better than jail. If he had just gone to jail he would be using right now and he isnthe first one to say that. This court program helps a lot of people.
In one of our emails didn't we talk about drug court? Long term care is what they need and I continue to disagree that they have to want it. Most of them do want but in order for their brain to recover and really want it they have to be off it for a long time. Exactly what you were writing me. It makes so much sense.
I have been going through the stuff you emailed me, so much good information. I will write you later, I just didn't want you to think I haven't been reading the emails. Thank you so much.
I don't know what I was thinking, I didn't mean to put this on your blog but to email you. I am on my iPad and can't figure out how to delete it. That's what get for thinking about too much stuff. Can you delete this? I don't want to write such a long comment. If not I will delete it when I get to my computer.
ReplyDeleteOh Tori, No big deal if it's under the comment section on here... I GET what you are saying...
ReplyDeleteHi, I wanted to thank you for all the info you sent me about (free, low cost) treatment. I really appreciated it, and realized I never got back to you.
ReplyDeleteWhen my son was 18, the state put him in a boot camp diversion program. They were woke up at night, had to eat nothing but bologna sandwiches standing up, got yelled at constantly, etc. I thought it cruel, but later my son told me the object is you learn to work through pain. That was 10 years ago, and many years of rehabs, jail and using later he says it was the best program of any he went to.
Just wanted to let you know, although I can tell you have the experience to know what works and what doesn't. My son is/was a hard core, low bottom addict like Emily. I'm thrilled for you she has stayed at the program!!
Again, thanks for taking the time to get me that info. He is going to sober living (again). It's his life, I'll let him figure it out..;)
Lou, You are more than welcome! Thanks for telling me about your son's take on the "boot camp" like place. Encouraging!
ReplyDeleteKeep the information.. maybe your son will be interested some day or maybe this sober living place will be his last stop. You both will certainly continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.