The Shift

Well you can see she gained weight since I dropped her off at 88 pounds! 

I titled this "The Shift", not The Change, because I am really not sure people really change THAT much.  I think they shift.  We had Family Day with Emily last Saturday.  Just got back in town last night.  All I can say is, I cried and cried and for once they were tears of joy!

When I took her down to the program, I am driving in the dark with newly detoxed girl, so I did what I could to get her there,  I promised her if she graduated we would go dance on Jim Morrison's grave, she could have my ipod, heck, she could have my car... oh and you are still unsure, we will be there for the Christmas Family Day and if you don't like it, we will figure something else out... but please just give it 50 days! 

Knowing she holds us to our word, we discussed how we would handle it if she did say, get me out of here.  We had our plan, you have to with her or probably with any other addict.  Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. 

The first thing she said to me, was remember you said we'd talk about another place if I didn't  like it here?  Ut oh..here it comes I am thinking... she said well I hate it here!  But, I need to hate it here.  I want it.  I know if I can this do , I can do anything and have a chance at a good life.  She said it's the hardest thing she or anyone she knows has done and she is sorry it has come down to this and she blew all the cushy places she went to. 

As their website says, it's the end of the road.. the only other options are death and jail.  It's true.  I would not recommend this place as a first time program.  I would not recommend this to anyone that is not serious.  I have my own believes and I do not believe sleep deprivation is beneficial to sanity, but she is doing it.  There were a lot of red flags or things I have a hard time with, but it doesn't matter what I think.  It matters that she gets clean and has a chance at life and wants this.

They do everything for a reason, but don't question their reason.  Everything is some kind of test, even for us.  Don't question it.  I quickly learned not to worry about her, they will  not let her die and they just might reach her in a way nobody else has been able to do.

The program was from noon to 5pm.  We sat with a family that flew in from NJ.  There were people from all over the country.  At 3pm they rounded up the girls to leave and go work.  Leaving their families that made a lot of arrangements and spent a lot of money to be there.  They did not ask Emily to leave to go to work.  I said, maybe you should volunteer to go?  She said, she does sometimes, now is not the time.  They came and got 2 of the 3 girls at our table and if they wanted her, they would have told her then.  The founder came up to our table and spent about 10 minutes with us and said he believes in her, believes she wants this and they help her get it.  Then they started a graduation ceremony.  There were 11 graduates.  Let's just say, I didn't think I had anymore tears left, but I did!  We got to stay until 7pm with Emily.  I don't know if it was a test, I don't know if she will "pay" for that or what.. but like I said, they do everything for a reason, so even I had to trust there was a lesson there for her... and us. 

She is in trouble for somethings, so it will be awhile before we can communicate with her.  They call it "on the move"  Meaning even less sleep and more work.  The last thing I said to her was, quit being on the move and stay still and listen for awhile so we can talk on the phone and write. 

She has been there just over 50 days and it's her 8th program and it's the biggest shift in her that I have ever seen.  My husband is hopeful.  I can't go there, as I have been burned too many times with hope that never happens.  I am more shocked... but a good shocked!

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts.  Keep them coming because it's a life long disease.