This is a statement from a phone call I got from a friend of mine, S, yesterday. The thought has been with me. Awhhh so there is now a name for what our addict kids do..It's called "doing an Emily". For some bizarre reason there is comfort in that. Maybe it's that I am not alone, maybe it's that someone is listening to me and recognizes the signs, maybe it's that I can lending an ear to someone else in crisis, I don't know..
S's daughter has reached rock bottom. Charges, Felonies, Detox, thin, sick, sad. After detox last week, she is waiting.. waiting for a warrant to turn herself in or a court date for a judge to decided her fate, jail or a 2 year rehab.
This is where Pulling An Emily comes in.. it's those in between days. Those days waiting for a bed or a phone call back from a program or a court date.. that limbo time. That critical time... where the blame and bargaining starts. Where the scheming, justifying, half truths, their truths, come shining thru.
This is when a parent realizes how bad really it is. Beyond logic. There is no logic with an addict in this state of mind. This is when our radar goes up, we can "babysit".. but if they want their DOC, they can get it. This is where you can not waiver.. I told her. All the begging, pleading, compromising, schemes, justifications... can not have any impact on you. Hold true to your bottom line.. This is where you will check the phone call list, do searches, watch every movement, this is exhausting.. but you can not engage or waiver.
This is where you realize just how much love you have for your child. This is where you look at your adult child and feel so terribly sorry for them, they didn't want this, they are hurting, they have a disease..and it's taking them down. This is also where, they can manage to get you angry, anger you never thought you had. This is where if they know they are leaving as soon as a bed opens up, they might as well, have that last hurrah.
Pulling An Emily is an awful place to be.
My friend said to me, Kelly, I have learned such so much from Emily and your journey, it has been invaluable to me when dealing with my own daughter. I hate to say, "well, good", I am glad our story is helping someone else... but if that's what comes out of it, and saves another, it's all good.