Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Boys Boys Boys

With every good day.. or every happy moment comes the fall.
9 times out of 10 it has to do with boys or drama.
This one has to do with boys.

Emily mentioned to me, she had a "date" the next day after I saw her last. I went right into my "no speeches" mode.. but I have a few things to say. Do you really need this now? You are doing so well.. boys are a distraction. I guess a date means coffee at Starbucks when you are sober. But still... It didn't help she went on to tell me, he is 25 and went to her old "charter" school here.. I use the terms charter and school very loosely. But still no speeches.. except.. your an adult.. you can make your own choices and they don't have to effect me .. I will never tell you.. my heart is beating just a bit faster and I may not get restful sleep tonight.. but you won't know that my red flag is up.

Fast froward.. last Tuesday.. phone rings.. it's her.. I am ready to tell her what I good I had with her , etc.. BUT, she is crying... I want to come home. I can't do this anymore. I have 6 months clean and sober... and it means nothing..
Ok dear.. what's going on?? Well they found out I lied. Lied about what?? That date. The date you told me about?? Yeah , that one.. I am not "allowed" to date. You aren't? I didn't know that?? Well I didn't tell you.. it's part of my plan right now. Can I just come home?? They put back in Phase 1 for 3 more weeks! Can you believe they did that. What about my 6 months sober?? Does that mean anything?? They are pushing me backwards, when I need congratulations and positive reinforcement.
Oh and.. everyone does it here.. they don't punish them.. why me? They have it out for me. I don't understand why the rules bend for some and not me.

Well Emily... no you can't come home.. and I don't like being put in the position of saying this.
And further more.. I do not "do" lies. If you lied here once.. you would be out on the street, because I / we are done with it all that.
I will use your words back to you now: here's a straw, suck it up.

Thursday: Can I pleassssssssssse come home?? I got a check mark for talking to a boy at a meeting. Talking, just talking, can you believe that? This is not working for me... I can't do this anymore... I am sick of treatment centers.

Sorry Emily, you can't come home. Call a meeting with your counselor and staff and state the facts and ask your questions, take care of it yourself.

Oh and by the way... life is full of consequences and things we don't like, it's how you handle it that makes the difference. I gotta go. Love you, bye.

I have been sending this message to her consistently, yet yesterday and today I got 2 more calls from her, wanting the same thing.

Here's the other part: Her friend that went to treatment a week after she did, 2 years ago.. is back here at home now. His roommates relapsed. His parents brought him home. Took him 1 day to hook up the boy that had first presented heroin to Emily.. who had our credit cards in his back pocket when he they were arrested.. and whose family let Emily in after jail and enabled them both and who is now a shell of a person and major junkie. These 2 boys went to an all night party on campus Saturday night...
Think any of this has anything to do with her wanting to come home???
I am many things.. but I am no longer stupid where old names and addiction come up.

I am thankful she is safe and sober and I am trying not to let it get to me.


  1. Wow, Kelly. Good for you for holding firm and maintaining your boundaries. Your strength in doing that, and not letting Emily come home, is absolutely the best thing you could have done for your daughter. She knows she screwed up - and maybe will learn something as a result. And - you're so right - she does have the power to 'fix' the situation on her own. Her doing so, is what will build authentic self-esteem. Peggy

  2. What a beautiful daughter you have...I am new to your blog and will be following. My prayers are with you and Emily.
    Kristi (Jake's Mom)