This will be a double post. Tomorrow my husband will be 60. I can only imagine how he feels. I personally have not hit 50, but I plan on doing that on a beach somewhere with beach boy bringing me drinks with umbrella's, so it will might make it easier for me. My husband is more practical than I am in this area. At 40, I insisted he whisk me away to FLA so I could not be at our next door neighbors annual Labor Day party and hear all the "old age" jokes from my friends.. that's how bad I get!
My Mom recently turned 70. She sent him a nice watercolor card she made. She wished him a Happy Birthday, included a nice birthday gift and her last sentence said to enjoy the next 10 years, because turning 70 was actually hell. Lovely! My husband laughed, knowing my Mom, but he also started making his bucket list!
I told him flat out, I did not have any party planned. He doesn't drink, not that it matters, but I didn't want people to feel "weird" and he's not a party person. I did not plan a trip, but I did ask about it. We thought about a long weekend in NYC or Chicago, but at the time of our discussion, it was kinda cold and who wants to go those fun cities and freeze... little did we know it's be Spring - Like weather now. We decided we would save that money for a nice Spring Break beach trip.
He said just a nice dinner out with my family. Well dear, it's a Thursday's night and your "family" is me. I am it. One is away in college and the other is away in a program. I did call my son and see if he could come. He can't , he has 2 exams on Thursday and Friday. I did email the program and ask if Emily can call to just say Happy Birthday, no response. So I invited a couple from his work ( the CEO and CFO) and he invited a guy from his band and his wife ( will know her name when I meet her). And I made reservations at Hyde Park.
Normally, I would have had something BIG planned. When he was 50, I gave him a trip to Key West and knew when he got that, he wouldn't expect a big surprise party, which I also pulled off. But, I am gonna tell you something, addiction sucks the planning out of me. I feel like I have been planning interventions, working with rehabs for beds, gathering things for the lists of stuff they need at any given place and I am all planned out! I feel like with addiction, you have to have A-Z back up plans. It's worn me out! So I am sticking to my plan of dinner and a little trip later in the year. That's a plan isn't it? For some reason, I don't feel like it is, but I guess "it is what it is".
Now on the good news. And personally, I am not close to 60 yet, but, I would consider this a good "gift" and I believe my husband does too. I had him call the place where Emily is now. We haven't heard anything in awhile. The first phase was suppose to be 45 to 60 days and we are well past 90 days and she is still the first phase. So I was itching to know what's up. This is taken from the text my husband sent me after he spoke to the woman in charge of Emily.
She is ok. Just finished "restitution". Suzy says she has surrendered to "whatever, just tell me what to do". Suzy says she should be able to write in 2 weeks. Says Emily is starting to change for the better. She also said Em has given no indication that she wants to leave or quit.
So I cling to those few sentences. I think it's a good birthday gift, don't you?
My Mom recently turned 70. She sent him a nice watercolor card she made. She wished him a Happy Birthday, included a nice birthday gift and her last sentence said to enjoy the next 10 years, because turning 70 was actually hell. Lovely! My husband laughed, knowing my Mom, but he also started making his bucket list!
I told him flat out, I did not have any party planned. He doesn't drink, not that it matters, but I didn't want people to feel "weird" and he's not a party person. I did not plan a trip, but I did ask about it. We thought about a long weekend in NYC or Chicago, but at the time of our discussion, it was kinda cold and who wants to go those fun cities and freeze... little did we know it's be Spring - Like weather now. We decided we would save that money for a nice Spring Break beach trip.
He said just a nice dinner out with my family. Well dear, it's a Thursday's night and your "family" is me. I am it. One is away in college and the other is away in a program. I did call my son and see if he could come. He can't , he has 2 exams on Thursday and Friday. I did email the program and ask if Emily can call to just say Happy Birthday, no response. So I invited a couple from his work ( the CEO and CFO) and he invited a guy from his band and his wife ( will know her name when I meet her). And I made reservations at Hyde Park.
Normally, I would have had something BIG planned. When he was 50, I gave him a trip to Key West and knew when he got that, he wouldn't expect a big surprise party, which I also pulled off. But, I am gonna tell you something, addiction sucks the planning out of me. I feel like I have been planning interventions, working with rehabs for beds, gathering things for the lists of stuff they need at any given place and I am all planned out! I feel like with addiction, you have to have A-Z back up plans. It's worn me out! So I am sticking to my plan of dinner and a little trip later in the year. That's a plan isn't it? For some reason, I don't feel like it is, but I guess "it is what it is".
Now on the good news. And personally, I am not close to 60 yet, but, I would consider this a good "gift" and I believe my husband does too. I had him call the place where Emily is now. We haven't heard anything in awhile. The first phase was suppose to be 45 to 60 days and we are well past 90 days and she is still the first phase. So I was itching to know what's up. This is taken from the text my husband sent me after he spoke to the woman in charge of Emily.
She is ok. Just finished "restitution". Suzy says she has surrendered to "whatever, just tell me what to do". Suzy says she should be able to write in 2 weeks. Says Emily is starting to change for the better. She also said Em has given no indication that she wants to leave or quit.
So I cling to those few sentences. I think it's a good birthday gift, don't you?
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I Have been following your blog from the beginning. I think it is great news! It is progress, not perfection and as they start surrendering, even a little at a time, I think its wonderful. Would I get excited? No, I have and I think Its better to be a little apprehensive. Then our fall is not so far. At a meeting once, someone said do not put your expectations in the penthouse level because falling to the basement is hard. So I try and stay on the first floor. From reading your blog I know you are grounded. I can relate to being all planned out and events are not as joyful for me as they should be because of the addicts. But I am working on that ! and Happy Birthday to your husband
ReplyDeleteThank You Lauren! And you are so right.. I pace the first floor! Never thought of it that way! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYour text about your daughter does indeed sound good. One of my daughter's longest periods of sobriety started when she uttered very similar words to her mentor, "just tell me what to do, I can't do it myself, just tell me what to do and i'll do it." And she did. She got a sponsor, worked the steps, led meetings, picked up coffee if he asked for it, vacuumed the meeting room, etc. she did WHATEVER. She took direction from people with 10-15 years clean time. And it worked because she had the WILLINGNESS thing going. (yes she relapsed later, and then, she knew exactly what to do to get back on track... and when she was ready and it was what she wanted, she did.) She will always face this demon, but she has picked up tools and knowledge all along the way.... really WILLINGNESS is her key. She is again approaching two years clean (April). I pray she can continue. And I'm praying for you and your daughter...
ReplyDeleteI think the dinner out with work friends sounds just right. Take it easy on yourself. The news that your daughter is still there is very encouraging. She is still clean and she is still there.
ReplyDeleteThank You both! Her Big Sad, it's stories like yours that keep me going. Seriously, when I think hope is gone, there's a great story. I will continue to keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteAnna, I think of you and your daughter often! I wish there something I could do for you!
This is great news. Surrender is a wonderful thing & it's very encouraging...the fact that she's still there is so good. I agree that you're very grounded & have so much strength. Happy Birthday to your hubby. Enjoy. I continue to pray for Emily.
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