Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Thursday, January 26, 2012

No Real Point of This Post

There is no real point this post.. just because I am in a limbo stage.  Do I turn this way or go that way or stay still? 

There has been no word from Emily.  Which I guess no new is good news.  Except, as the program goes, she was able to send mail and receive mail within 45 to 60 days... except if she keeps getting in trouble, which must be the case, because it's been over 90 days.  So my liberal, no rules daughter is still fighting the system.  I say that, as I am inhaling, I can only exhale with it because she is still there. 

I, personally am all over the board, which results in spinning my wheels accomplishing nothing.  Yes, I am ADD, but a medicated one... so this spinning is bugging me. 

For example, I have 2 new addictions.  Pintrest and Houzz.  They are exactly what I used to do with my little online "deco group" back in the 90's.  There were 8 of us that met on an AOL decorating board and broke off to form our little group.  We posted links, project ideas, decorating tips to each other.  We went as far to take actual photos of our before and after projects, take the film to the drug store to be developed and ran home to scan and upload them to each other.  This little group motivated me!  In fact I just found all the pictures of some my "projects".. including the mauve, burgundy, gold glazed ceiling I did in my kitchen in my old house.  So I thought, great!  Pintrest and Houzz will motivate me again!  But, all I do is put things on my boards or ideabox.  I sorta feel like I completed a project by doing that, but that's far from reality! 

I do not "feel" good.  I can't pinpoint it and I have a long list of excuses for it.  Like I am not gonna tell my doctor, she will just want me to go on lexapro or something.  Let's not forget it's the most depressing time of year, or at least it is in Ohio... that's a great excuse for me!  My mood matches the weather!  That's it!  Hey at least I recognize I am in a funk! 

So what do I do? I go buy Zumba for Wii.  I will do that every morning!  That lasted 2 weeks.  My husband said, we should give up the club membership, nobody uses it.  I said , let's use it together!  Let's meet at lunch and workout!  Ok, we have done that 3 whole times.  I was out of town, then he's been out of town.  God forbid, either us go without each other! 

I keep hearing about the Wheatbelly diet.  So I spent yesterday reading about it.  I even got up, stepped away from the computer, got a box and my goal was to get rid of the wheat things in my pantry.  Well, crap, I just went grocery shopping, I would be wasting all that money!  Put the box away.  So I thought, I will be good and make myself a Lean Cusine for lunch.  A few bake potatoes bites, broccoli and cheese.  Seems like that would fit the wheat belly diet.  Wrong!  In darken letters on the back, it says this product contains Milk and Wheat.  My dinner when my husband is out of town is either toast or Healthy Choice chicken noodle soup.. that would be out!  Boy, maybe this diet isn't for me after all.  But, I will try to more conscious.  I have not had a baked good, toast, bread or pasta for 2 whole days!  That's progress isn't it?

Let's not get into my research on tryamine.  I guess I would have to go RAW and I don't see that happening!  I am all about connivance, but I don't have to be.. I am not working, I am not doing a house project.  I could do it, but where is that motivation? 

Speaking of not working.  I was making necklaces.  I sold well over 100.  I am still selling them off and on.  I certainly go on line an buy what I think I "need".  The USP man comes almost daily with my little crystal packages.  I go to the point of opening the package, putting them on my work desk, because if I put them away in the labeled containers I have, I will forget I have them and reorder them.  I have a friend who knows owners of a few little shops that would love to sell my stuff and will buy them outright.  She is just waiting for me to complete my inventory.  She might be waiting awhile, I am just not motivated. 

I watched the Anderson Show yesterday.  I got mad!  It was on parents calling the police on their teen child.  Have any of these parents walked in my shoes, that said if you have to call the police to parent your own child you are a failure.  I almost got the motivation to write a post on the Anderson site.. but I didn't.  Last time I did that, the show called me to be on it.  That's for another post on another day.

Oh, I look at Craigslist for job postings.  I might go as far as sending an email, but never my resume.  That would require commitment and I am not ready for that! 

It's now almost 3pm, I am dressed.  I have talked to my friend, whom I met on ODR, we talk daily.  I have made dinner, I have done my researching for the day, I got my package from the UPS man.  I made several phone calls, but let me tell you, we have gotten about 2 inches of rain, it's cold out and the dog has not even got out of her cage to out and do her business.. maybe I can't do anything today because I am waiting for her to get up?  Good excuse as any! 

I hoping I get a letter from Emily and I hope I quit spinning my wheels doing nothing soon!


  1. Love you Kelly. This is such a depressing time of year in the midwest! Today it was sunny here, and that made a difference. I hope you get some sunshine (literal and figurative) soon.

  2. Recovery is really hard! I still do not know what exactly I should do. The fact that she is still there is great news. B seemed to let go pretty easy...about 2 weeks after he was in jail I suppose a lot of that was the detox. But I still think he should have been there longer mainly because he has so many ups and downs. I keep reminding myself they say it takes 1-2 years for them to heal. I can say that even after almost 6 months he still in many ways behaves like an addict.

    I'm sorry you feel so bad it sucks. I hope she calls you soon or writes a letter. It seems like such a harsh place and I continue to be impressed that she stays.

    Take care my friend.

  3. P.s. I only saw a preview but that is what I saw...I stopped and stared at the tv I couldn't believe that lady said that. I wanted to watch it but couldn't. Probably would have just pissed me off.