Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Sunday, August 21, 2011


Who knew?  Now it's bathsalts!  What makes a person decide to add another addiction to the long list.

My husband asked me to ask anyone I knew on Facebook that was friends with Emily to get a message to her.  The message was: Don't ever forget you have choices.  I will help you get help.

I said no.  This is not anyone else's responsibility.  And, no, I would not do it myself, she blocked me.  I threw his words to me back at him.  If she can post pictures, opinions, statements, she can certainly contact us.

He did what he said he would NEVER do, created a facebook page.  He sent her the message. 

She responded right away.  Dad, I am so glad you contacted me!  I am in trouble.  I am suppose to go missing.  This thing is bigger than me, people are after me for what I know.  I dont' know what to do.  Please help me.  Dad, I am so sorry. I love you.

He stuck to his bottom line.. I will help you get help.  I don't even know where you are.  I don't understand what the trouble is.

She came back with telling him where she was.  She is no longer addicted to opiates, but bathsalts.  The state she is  a commonwealth state and it makes it so much worst.  She asked for a bus ticket home immediately.  ( That was Tuesday)

He replied, stuck to the original reason for contact.  She does have a choice to accept help.  He would not send a bus ticket she could cash in.  She can't come "home" and commonwealth is just another way to govern.  If she is that scared, get to a shelter, go to the police.  Pick a time and place and he will pick her up and get her treatment.

She wrote back.  Commonwealth is much bigger than the police and there are crooked police and commonwealth people involved.  Please help.

He spelled it out again.  ( Wednesday) and since then there has been no communication.

He is able to separate things.  Not me.  He opened a can of worms and I had to run with it.  I found out as of July 20th the federal felon she hooked back up with was in maxium custody for a whole list of things.  With no release date.  That leaves me to wonder who she is running around with.  Obviously a lot brighter than him, because he keeps getting caught.  I have people ready to help.  Unfortunately, they need an address or phone number and she is not forth coming on that.  I learned she slept and lived in the park for a long time. 

I learned about bath salts.  25.00 to 35.00 a gram.  You can snort it, smoke it or inject.  Indiana just had 3 deaths due to bath salt overdoses.  It's not something to mess with.

So all this has brought be me back to square one.  I am pissed off, mad, disgusted.  I am back to believing there is a choice.  You choose to try something different and more dangerous.  Why not just stick with heroin? HA some choice.  How is picking up a habit like this a disease?  Vs a choice?  I am back to having a constant pit in my stomach.  I am back to worry night and day.  I am back to thinking her communication makes no sense, because these bath salts cause paranoia, depression, anxiety, all of which she has without drugs, so it's heightened.  That's why she thinks the commonwealth is after her or they are crooked.  I am back knowing she can't come home. I will never hear her gut belly laughter.  I will never see that spark in her eyes.  Those memories are fading and I am left with looking at gray skin, hollow cheeks, dull eye and a skeleton.  I am back to thinking.. THIS IS NOT FAIR!  I am back to thinking Prayer does not work.  So many people are praying for her for us.  I am back to saying I can't let go , Let God.  Because THIS IS NOT FAIR! 


  1. OMG! First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this right now, but I am proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. But what the hell?! Bathsalts?! People use them as a drug? And... uhh how the hell does that work anyways? I don't get it.... it sounds fairly desperate IMO.

  2. Sydney, "bath salts" are a new street drug, its a very dangerous chemical that sort of looks like bath salts (I guess that's where it gets the name?).

    Kelly - my heart hurts for you. Literally, I felt it hurt in my chest as I read this because I know that horrible feeling you have right now, the "not fair", the horror of it all, the disbelief that your sweet child could make such terrible choices to endanger their life, etc. I also felt that prayer didn't do a thing because there were literally hundreds of people praying and nothing changed (I don't even know if I believe in God anymore).

    My son was home for one night, high on heroin (he turned himself in the next day) and I found this peculiar little container with white stuff in it and he said he was trying out Saliva or Bath Salts - I can't even remember because I was LIVID! It was obviously a CHOICE for him to add a new drug to his repertoire.

    Yet, I still hold on to the fact that its a disease. Its not a typical disease, but the brains of addicts are undeniably different and that adds to the whole damn mess.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through with Emily. I wish I had something helpful to say.

  3. "Fatigue makes cowards of us all". I don't know who said it. But I know how true it is.

    There have been times I've just wanted to lay down and sleep forever. There have been times I stopped believing, stopped praying, stopped listening, caring, etc. The weariness of it all is overwhelming.

    It's not fair. No doubt about it. We'll never understand it either. We don't like it. But we can't change it. So what's left.

    ACCEPT IT. Revisit Melody Beattie's book "Co-Dependent No More".

    So sorry you are going through this. It sucks.

    God Bless

  4. I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you. Please
    let us know how you're doing as this goes forward.