Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Saturday, April 2, 2011

" I Am Free!!!"

Yesterday my husband went to his meeting. A young guy came up to him and said have you seen Emily's facebook? My husband, of course said no. ( He has never been on facebook, never will be). So the guy shows him. It says : "I am Free!!" My husband calls me, asks me if I have seen her facebook. I said, no, I quit looking, it gets to be too much. He said well something is up. In the back of my head.. I know.. something big is up. But I said, maybe they moved to the residential house that has computer access? We decide he will call her counselor. Meanwhile, I prepare myself. I go to the bead store, my salvation. Then I meet my friend for lunch, Casa Patron.. chips, salsa and margaritas always cheer me up. So does April Fools day. My son is suppose to meet me at Casa Patron and we are going tux shopping for prom. So I get the hostess to call my son's phone and she says: This is Officer Baker, with the local police. Your probation is coming to an end soon, so to close the case, we need you to stop in the station for a drug test before noon on Saturday April 2nd. My son shows up and we are talking, then I say.. Oh, I got this weird call from the police that you need to go in for a drug test. He turned all red and said , I got the same call! He said I don't have time, I have to work tomorrow. My friend said to him, would you even pass a drug test? he said of course! So then I told him .. April Fools! If he showed panic or worry or lying, I would have let it go and told him to go to the station after tux shopping. Again, our sick humor!! But everyone thought it was pretty funny! So meanwhile, my husband calls.. says it's bad, as bad as it gets. Surprise Surprise. He asked if I really want to know? Well yes, I am not one to need protection or forget it. She was involved in something, she was the only one of the 3 that fessed up. But, her counselor, once again fought for her and got the higher ups to agree she could stay. She got very angry, rude, etc and said, no I am leaving. I am going to use , use! Give me the cab money. They gave her the cab money, but she made a call and got a ride and took the cab money. Duhh?? Her counselor was crying to my husband. He was actually consoling her! He said this is what she does, she sabotages herself on purpose. He explained the case in FL, and the woman had no idea! She kept saying we could have helped her if she just told us! He said well, she didn't put her mom on her release, her mom would have had you working with her on it. Bottom line, the counselor said, if you find her, please please let her know, she can come back. I can get her in the Aster House. Now, who does that? The state run place has a waiting list a mile long. Last time we tried to get her in, it took over 8 weeks. But, it's always the same, everyone loves the clean Emily. I knew from 2 things this was not going to work. 1. She did not put me on the release. 2. She like her counselor. That translates to , I have got this woman fooled. She is not holding me accountable and I like that. So again, we do not know where she is. What we do know, is the most amount of money she has is 35.00. She has 2 pair of jeans, a couple shirts. No car, no license. No food. I am incline to put a target on her back with the police. If she is at Joey's , they are in town and our local police would help. If they are on campus, it would be harder to get help. But, I feel like jail is the only option now. My husband thinks, that is controlling and exactly what I am trying to teach him not to do. So again, we are at odds. He thinks it's just a matter of time and we don't have to do anything. I think it might save her life. I would rather get a call from a jail, than a hospital or morgue. Her birthday is in 10 days. Wonder if she will make it 20 years old?


  1. oh God Kelly...I am sorry...so sorry to read this. I really understand what you mean....a call from jail is much preferred. You are so strong,..and I feel for you going through this. I will continue to keep her and you in my prayers. I'm not sure what the case in Florida refers to. And I swear...I hear of so many addicts (mine included)born in 1991. Please let us know what happens when you hear something.
    Sending you a cyber hug and wishes for peace.

  2. Mine was born 11/90. At least around here is seems there are a lot from the 19-20 age and the majority is Heroin around me.

    I always have that problem Kelly, I don't know that calling the Police is controlling - to me that is just trying to help them bottom out sooner. I called B's P.O. to tell him he was using again and they did nothing. If I thought for one second the Police would go pick him up I would call in a minute.

    And like your daughter, everyone loves my son when he is clean. I almost think it is a gift that most addicts have. Charming, loveable, all these amazing qualities.

    My son always calls or texts me or sends me messages on FB. I am torn between that. There are times I think it would be easier just not to know but then I want to know so at least I know he is alive. Either way it sucks. So many people fighting for our children yet they will not fight for themselves.

    My prayers are with you and your family.