Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Monday, April 18, 2011

I actually thought I could be a double Agent

I can not get into what is going on.  I will, when it is safe and I can do so. 

I think I have stated before, I have a very strong Mothers Intuition in regards to Emily.  I feel almost cursed to have this.  Not to go into the paranormal, but I am one who, at times, has access to my 6th sense.  I don't talk about it much, unless, I am given a "sign", to do so.  Let's just say, thru my sense, I have been able to help a friend find an old antique time piece, that had been missing for a long time.  I have had "visits" from the dead in a dream or meditation, in which they want me to pass on some kind of information to their loved one.  Like where the antique pocket watch was.  I have explored this and found, to be honest, I have fear.  I know so many addicts say fear stand in their way.  It stands in my way in this regard.  But no denying it when it comes to my daughter. 

I had a dream ( and I thank God, I got some sleep last night, it's a been a few nights).  I don't always remember my dreams.  I actually woke up today, feeling I could CONTROL it.  I could be a double agent.  I can't even tell you with whom right now.  I went as far as putting this plan into action.  I felt untouchable.  Nothing stands between a Mother and her sick daughter.  I am happy to say, that fear I have, stopped me. 

It's been a long weekend.  I did not post about our Birthday Visit.  Seems like very old news.  I actually called the coroners office this weekend, to see if there was Jane Doe.  Instead, I stumbled upon, something bigger and scarier.  And it's not done.  I am suffering internally and probably externally, as my son went and got me lunch today, because I have not eaten in awhile. 

He had Prom this weekend.  I was present and happy for him.  I should feel good about that.  Nothing like a handsome guy all cleaned up in a tux.  He looked good!  He had fun!  He was good.  No problems.  I am very thankful for that, and I believe God knew I could not handle an incident with him too. 


  1. kelly...
    the picture of your son and date is beautiful.

    i have checked back to see how the visit went; and i am sorry for the disappointment.

    i know this road well; but there is hope. our son 34yrs old is FINALLY getting it...it has taken a long time to get there.

    the heartache and all the memories of 'lost' years seem to always be in the shadows...

    our son is doing 'well' now; and hopefully will continue to work on his recovery.
    he has been excepted into a phd program; and his area of study will be neuroscience....
    i wish there was an area on how to mend broken hearts....

    i'm so glad you wrote about your other child....truly a beautiful picture...

  2. I have those dreams too (not like a 6th sense) but I get these horrible feelings. The last 3 nights I have had horrible nightmares. The day after is always hard for me and I pray many nights not to dream because I just want sleep.

    Usually, when I have those nightmares something bad is coming it is only a matter of days. There are times I find out that he was using so much he couldn't get up, etc.

    I pray that she is okay. Please keep us posted.

  3. Thank you guys for your support! I will try to keep you posted soon.

  4. Kelly, I have made those calls to the coroner's office also. A scary call, for sure.

    I use to have dreams, nightmares. I don't anymore and try to focus on myself and family. I try to take my mind off the pain of being a parent of an addicted child but it doesn't always work out so well. I'm going through a bad time at the moment.

    That was a great picture! Thanks for sharing and enjoy all the "good" that life and God can offer.

    In paryer for all of us and our children.