VALENTINES DAY - 2010

FAST FORWARD: TODAY

I have not spoken my daughter too much since she has been in this current rehab. I sent her a heartfelt letter with my husband last weekend when he went to see her on Family Day. In it, I explained I am tired of spending my weekends at rehabs for her. That it is important that I spend time my son, her brother. He is 16 and I don't want to leave him alone in the house... (girlfriend). And I don't him to think we both keep dropping everything to run to her. I also told her, she is an adult now, I do not want to involved with her process of learning to make her own adult decisions. So in reality, I don't want to blamed for anymore decisions made for her benefit.

The phone at the rehab house has been down due to snow. For like 5 days!

We tried the actual rehab today and they found her and we got talk.

She sounds good... real good. She is thankful she is learning about her "disease". She believes if she relapses she will die. Each relapse has been worst then past one. She is thankful she does not have children ( me too!). She is humbled at this rehab.. it's not luxery, like the ones in the past... it's not full of people with money. It has a higher rate of success. She wants to be one of them. She believes she can go to school ( college ) if she tries. She is finding the Spiritual side of her life. She is happy she is young and has to be all she can be.

Now, all these things, I have told her many times over... I understand it takes someone other than "Mom" to reach her. I found her repeating things I have said or believe myself...

HOWEVER, I am finding it hard to believe. I feel I have been burned so many times, what makes this one different? Except to say, I have not invested myself in this one. I have moved on and I am trying to find my balance.. I am trying to make sure I am healthy, my needs are taken care of first. I WANT TO BELIEVE HER SO BAD.. but I AM AFRAID!

So for now.. I will find the peace that she is still there , safe and sober.
Happy Valentines Day my lovely daughter.