9/12/10

In response from my post:

These words hit home:

I would lose mine as well and the decision I made then was that I was not willing for drugs to take us both

Again, I feel, easier said than done... I am just "going thru the motions" of living. I went to the grocery store today, simple task I have been doing most of my life... but I had no feeling, I couldn't tell you what I needed, what I bought..usually, I like to cook , cook with love for family... but I feel like something is invading me as well and I have to stop that.

We were in contact with her last weekend, thru this week when I turned her phone off on Wed. I know deep in my heart, she can find her contact in Delray and she can find a way to get a hold of us..if she so desires. We have not given her money since April..all she did , she paid for with her trust. I did provide gift certs as well, but I can't even do that now..because I do not know where she is. We did tell her not to contact us until she was ready to take her soberity seriously. I did text her boyfriend last night and told him to tell her we love her very much and hope she is ok. He texted right back and said she loves you too and she is ok.

I know she is ashamed and feels horrible.. but I feel like we have done the right thing all along, consistant... we tell her, ok you relapsed, that's in the past now.. let's come up with plan for the next hour, next day.. we forgive you, we understand, we love you.

Then I get a vision of my baby, shooting poison in her arm, foot, etc.. and thinking this is it for her, this is the only thing that will make her happy in life..and our love is not powerful enough against this horrid drug. Evil beat down an entire loving family. We can get back up.. but we will never get all the way up. Enjoying life is not the same with part of us missing.

She did ask us last week if she could come home. We said no, and I thought that was hard... at least I knew where she was then.

Thank you for your kind words.. I will have to keep remembering this.. it can't take us all down, because it has been for a long time and it's not fair. Kelly