Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Past

I also belong to an opiate-detox public forum board. It has been a very special place for me. I thought I should start here, where I started there. When I reached out to the unknown for help. This post was dated : Sept 12.2009

Hi All, My contact from a Sober Living Program in FL suggested I come to this forum for support. However, after reading here last night, I found myself more upset, feeling so bad for so many people.

This is another a reason I do not attend Al-Anon here.. I can not take too many horrible stories.. I need to move on, but easier said than done.

My daughter started using misc drugs at 14. It caused many problems with my marriage, family, etc.. I have that mother's instinct.. I knew I could not keep her safe. At 17 she was charged and my husband finally agreed.. we sent her to a theraputic boarding school at 8K a month.. drained our 401K savings. She came home for home visits, we thought they were going ok until the last one, we found hout she had been sneaking out the of house using with her old friends. She decided to check herself out of the school when she turned 18.

Long story short, she had a trust fund from my Mom for college coming. We luckily got her to sign the money over to us and we set her up in an Apt... she could not live with us, because she would not follow our contract for living here. 6 months rent was paid for her, etc. Within 3 weeks she was evicted.. partying, serving minors, noise, etc.

She then moved to a herion house. They had no electric, gas, windows,.. a friend of hers called me saying it was really bad..she is out of control. We got her to agree to come home, took her to the Hosp for detox.

She had an infection in her foot from a bad needle, if left untreated she would have been very sick. We then got her to agree to go to a rehab, Glenbeigh in OH. She completed the 30 day program. Then went to their 3/4 house on campus, completed that.

They said she is rehab/therapy savy, she can talk the talk, but needs to walk the walk.

She then agreed to go to Delray Beach, sober living Healing Properties. Last week she broke a rule, had a boy stay over and got kicked out. At one point she agreed to find another sober living home, but I believe she broke the rule to be where she is now.. holed up in a motel with a boy she met there doing herion. Healing Properties gave her one more chance, go to detox and we will find a bed for you in a week or 2..but she never took them up on that.

She was also beat up by a Hatian Gang. .. I still don't know the real truth about that or her condition.

She is dual diagnosised.

We have told her clearly what we will support, that was sober living for 90 plus, meetings for 90 days, and continued therapy for her borderline personality disorder.. I guess that too much for her.. she is lazy by nature and tell you that, using is easier than doing the work.

We have turned her phone off, we have found out her bank account is closed. I believe she will be hitting her rock bottom hard.. and it may result in death..

and I know you will tell me, God or a Higher Power is in the room with her, as well as with me. I have prayer groups, I have myself and others doing Reiki, I have a crystal chart for her..
but I think it's time to switch it to me, I know I need to take care of myself. I have lost 80 pounds since March.

We have installed an alarm system, glass block windows, to keep her out and her fellow addict friends that might need something to sell.

I have learned all I can about addiction, I have put myself in her shoes, I have enable when I felt it was for the greater good, I have shut her out til she is sober.

Her words to me, Mom, I am done digging to my rock bottom, it's too stressful, were just that.. words.

My gut is telling me, if I don't go down there and find her, she will be dead this time and I am not ready to loose my daughter.

I have emailed Intervetion, the TV show, I have emailed Dr. Phil. I found her b/f Mother on line in NJ.. I can be very resouceful..due to my love for her.

When does it end?

When can we have peace?

When do the crisis calls stop?

When do the sleepless nights end?

She is only 18 and equal to a 12 year old in maturity..she is fighting a battle that is stronger than her and smarter than her... I know I can't make her ....

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