Tight Rope Walker

Tight Rope Walker

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Almost There

She looks bad, not as bad as the last time I saw her thou.  I can tell she is not in withdrawals or using.  I double check her purse.  I sleep with my wallet, cell phone and keys, just in case.  She tells me she will never be able to sleep, she goes to bed about 9 am, sleeps all day.  I say tough, I need the lights out, I have a long drive tomorrow and back home.  Next thing I know, she is snoring softly, like she did as a little girl.  I am the one staring that ceiling.  Go figure.  I wake her up the next morning and she is actually in a good mood.  Amazing what food, a clean bed and good night sleep does for somebody.  We start out on our journey.

Now we are about 20 minutes out of "Smithville".  We pull over to get a bite to eat and she is getting the exact street and address from her contact.  She says Mom, I got it wrong. 

OHHHH I should have known!  It's 3pm, I have a 5 hour drive home.  I can't bring her with me.  We have Muirfield Golf tourney with clients, in fact I am missing Thursday festivities to do this.  So calmly, I say what did you get wrong?  She said the city.  It's "Smithland" not "Smithville".  I am like where is that???  She said I don't know.  So I get a map.  Well, we came from the Northeast corner of the state to the Southwest corner and "Smithland" is back at Northeast corner! 

She said forget it, get me a greyhound ticket for there or the 2 year program in NC.  I honestly thought about it.  I was speechless.  I still sorta am, after 240.00 in gas money. 

I turn the car around, and head back.  Now her contact is not texting her, we don't know the street or address.  I called the police dept non emergency number and they are closed.  I ready to just leave her there.  I know I can't bring her home.

She called the place itself.  I heard them say, they have no beds.  She was getting into the abuse and I got out of the car.. I did not want to be part of this, I am tried, I have driven on little sleep and it's like 6 pm and she still isn't anywhere.  URGGGG.

I saw her put the phone down and I got back in the car, she said I am in, it's just up the road.  I said how did you get in?  I heard them say there was not bed.  She said I told them, I went to Smithville first and they felt bad.  I said, thank god somebody feels bad!  ( for me, us)

She said, Mom, I really want this.  Thank you so much.  I love you.  I drop her off.  I don't linger, I don't want them thinking she has all this support or somebody to pay or anything like that.  But, I get a feeling.  It's set in the woods.  All the buildings match the environment.  There is a medical building, psychological building, main office and nice housing.  We both said at the same time, looks like camp.  I said I am sure you won't be singing Kumbya around the camp fire thou.  Hugged her, said I love her and left. 

I go 10 miles and I see the hotel we spend the night in the night before!  OMG.. I got mad all over again!  But, I kept it together, turned up the stereo, let myself breath, sing, be happy she was safe, no matter what it took to get her there.

She texted me shortly after, saying she loves it there.  They are gonna help her with everything.  She is amazed I am so strong as a Mom and is very grateful and thankful and she means that.  And she actually had fun being with me today.  And she loves me more than I will ever know.

I have gotten similar texts daily now.

So for the last 3 days, I know she has been safe.  I am not overly happy or over joyed, this disease is horrific.  Tomorrow she could leave and relapse.  I know this.  But, this time, she found the place, made her plan, only asked for what I was willing to supply, a ride or transportation.  For now, I can breath, even smile every once in awhile.  The rollercoaster is on cruise, but I know what goes up, has to come down. 


  1. wow...just wow. I am so glad that she is where she is...that's wonderful for her, and yes, a breather for you. I pray that she will keep going forward in the right direction. And what a tale of getting her there,..it's one that we parents of addicts, sadly, understand. Oh yes, the devil's in the details(Smithland/Smithville),..and isn't it mind boggling how the simplest of tasks and information is so challenging for them ? Sigh. I wonder if some parts of my very smart son's brain will ever get back to where it once was,...or should I give up that hope?
    I'll keep praying for her and you. It's amazing what a motivated mother can do...it really is. We ARE strong...it's true.

  2. I am so glad that she is in a place where she has a chance to recover. That is a huge step and she did it. Don't worry about the what if's they will always be there. Today she is good and safe. YEA!

  3. Exhausting! That's what came to mind when I read your post. Dealing with addicts is so exhausting.

    Glad you got her where she needs to be. Hope you can enjoy the respite.

    God Bless