I had to go to the dentist yesterday. One of those dreaded places for me. For several reasons. I HATE the dentist. Something from past I am sure. We didn't have the best dentists growing up. And, it's one of those places I don't frequent, so when I go, they always ask about Emily.
I have to be scheduled for a longer cleaning than the normal. Adds to my anxiety. I get the GAS to calm down. I am usually there for an hour and half or two hours. So for me, there are few fun parts of going to the dentist. Even the "free" bag of a too soft toothbrush, small dental floss and travel size toothpaste isn't what I consider a fun part. To me, the fun part is picking my flavor of tooth polish or paste. There are so many choices now. Yesterday, I was not given a choice. She just used some peppermint thing. Does that mean I am hitting that age? Does that mean I have bad breath? In my head I am wondering, how come I wasn't given a choice. I should ask! No, don't ask, you don't really want to know the answers. Did they take a survey and found most adults ask for peppermint not bubble gum, so now they just give the adults peppermint? Darn it.. I THINK I want to know why I wasn't given a choice.
I have to be scheduled for a longer cleaning than the normal. Adds to my anxiety. I get the GAS to calm down. I am usually there for an hour and half or two hours. So for me, there are few fun parts of going to the dentist. Even the "free" bag of a too soft toothbrush, small dental floss and travel size toothpaste isn't what I consider a fun part. To me, the fun part is picking my flavor of tooth polish or paste. There are so many choices now. Yesterday, I was not given a choice. She just used some peppermint thing. Does that mean I am hitting that age? Does that mean I have bad breath? In my head I am wondering, how come I wasn't given a choice. I should ask! No, don't ask, you don't really want to know the answers. Did they take a survey and found most adults ask for peppermint not bubble gum, so now they just give the adults peppermint? Darn it.. I THINK I want to know why I wasn't given a choice.
Guess where that brought my thinking next. Addiction. Yep, go figure, I could relate addiction with not getting a choice of toothpaste flavor at the dentist. Only me. I think when you have child that is an addict and you haven't heard from them... you don't have many choices. Your choices have been taken way. You have to wake up. You have to put one foot in front of the other. You have to eat, try to sleep, try to smile, try to be social, try to the best for the rest of the family that's around. Try to act like life must go on.
But the "fun" choices, like picking a toothpaste flavor is taken away. You don't get to choose to buy her some new cute clothes, you don't get to say, let's do lunch together. You don't get go see a movie, a play together. You don't get to say, come over, I made your favorite dinner. You don't get to complain about the music choices. You don't get the choice to say "Hey I got the new OPI color, wanna do your toes?" You don't get to ask about her friends and their families. You don't get to giggle. You don't get to people watch together.
Who knew, not being give a choice of toothpaste flavor at the dentist would bring all that up?? The only "fun" part of going to the dentist was taken away... and I don't know why. The fun choices I could have with my daughter have been taken way.. and in reality I don't know why.
Posts
This is a great post. It really makes you think - it helps you get that "stuff" out of you so you can deal with the hurt. And that's necessary for me to be able to get through the grieving process that addiction requires.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
Isn't it still(even after all that's happened) sometimes amazing how a small thing in the course of your daily life can ping at you and relate back to the hurt of addiction and what it's put you through? :( It's often when you least expect it too. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteAnd I HATE going to the dentist too! You've reminded me that I really do need to get in there myself.
Thinking of you here. I continue to pray for you and your daughter.
great post. I too have pretty much lost my daughter to addiction. Even though she is clean and sober now, the relationship has pretty much been destroyed. I also miss all those opprotunities that could have been, the lunches, going shopping, etc. Sigh!
ReplyDeleteSo true, so sad......Great post Kelly!
ReplyDeleteThat is so true. There are times that I will see something or someone will say something and my entire day is filled with thoughts of addiction! :(
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, its the normal day to day things that make up life and they're lost when addiction enters the picture. For me, going to the shooting range with my son was "our thing". Even if he were to have ten years clean time he can never fire a gun again (because of being on a 5150).
ReplyDeleteMy dentist uses spearmint. :)
You can ask why. The dentist may then give you a series of choices to choose from, with probably an eyebrow raised for your insistence. As for your child, well, he may not give you an answer now. But at least you reached out and tried. :)
ReplyDeleteEddie Storms